Not Love

Driving an hour one way on the interstate.
Medians and cars.
Tegan and Sara coming through my speakers.
Just wanting to get a little bit closer.

Pulling up in the driveway.
A nervous energy begins to flow.
Second thoughts dance and flutter through my mind.

Is this what I want?
Has it ever been?

I walk up the drive to the door, which is always open.
The musty smell of dirt, filth, and stale cigarette smoke greet me.

I see you and suddenly it dawns on me like it always does.

I don’t want to be here. Why did I come back?

I want to move to Orlando

Is it worth it can you even hear me?
Standing with your spotlight on me.
Not enough to feed the hungry,
I’m tired and I felt it for awhile now…

In this sea of lonely,
The taste of ink is getting old.
It’s four o’clock in the fucking morning!
Each day gets more and more like the last day…

Still I can see it coming,
While I’m standing in the river drowning.
This could be my chance to break out,
This could be my chance to say goodbye…

At last it’s finally over,
Couldn’t take this town much longer.
Being half dead wasn’t what I planned to be,
Now I’m ready to be free!

So here I am it’s in my hands,
And I’ll savor every moment of this.
So here I am alive at last,
And I’ll savor every moment of this…

And won’t you think I’m pretty
When I’m standing top the bright lit city?
And I’ll take your hand and pick you up
And keep you there to so you can see…
As long as you’re alive and care,
I promise I will take you there,
And we’ll drink and dance the night away…

So here I am it’s in my hands,
And I’ll savor every moment of this.
So here I am alive at last,
And I’ll savor every moment of this,
Savor every moment of this…

As long as you’re alive,
Here I am…
I promise I will take you there.

And won’t you think I’m pretty
When I’m standing top the bright lit city?
And I’ll take your hand and pick you up,
And keep you there to so you can see…
As long as you’re alive and care,
I promise I will take you there.
As long as you’re alive and care,
I promise I will take you there.

So here I am it’s in my hands,
And I’ll savor every moment of this.
So here I am alive at last,
And I’ll savor every moment of this…

Savor every moment of this…