Someday we will foresee obstacles

I went to an ex’s house on Sunday.

The story of how I met him and what developed is a strange one. Summed up into as little use of words as possible:

Online dating site 4 years ago.
Met at his house.
Did not like him based on his physical appearance and how the house was kept not kept.
Kept going to see him anyway. (wtf)

I do that. I dated an older man last year, and I don’t even like him either. Not now, not then. I don’t know why I do what I do.

Actually, that’s a bullshit lie. I can remember in like 4th grade Kevin Kuzminski liked me and I didn’t like him, but I did like the attention. So there we have it. Mystery solved, I’m an attention whore.

Anyway, I went to see TJ on Sunday. I stayed the night, then Monday morning we went boating.

He wants me to move in with him. He has a small 2 bedroom built in the 1940’s. His son and daughter share a room. They are 10 and 7.

But aside from the little things, I have come to realize that I do not love TJ. I’m really not sure I ever have. And I don’t know how to correctly handle this situation. It’s harder because he is a lush. Just like my ex-father. The similarities fail to slip by. Instead, it’s like a punch in the face. I don’t want my mother’s life, the one she had with my ex-father. TJ has never been violent with me, but he has a domestic history with the mother of his children and I don’t really believe his side.

He wanted me to come over the other day. I couldn’t because I have no one to care for my dogs (TJ lives an hour north), he was mad that I was putting my dogs before “family.”

I didn’t text him and a couple hours later he texts me he’s home. I didn’t respond. He hasn’t texted me since.


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